The Void... Been Here Before...

I don't post pics much anymore. I never would've made a post without an accompanying pic, before. The color has faded from my life. But it's calmer. Before, it was a swirling mass of emotion, multi-colored and mismatched. My life is calmer, but there is little joy, hardly any laughter. Previously (before my move to my mother's house) my time seemed to be managed by another. I'm grateful that I at least have more time that is my own, here... on the other hand, I do still really miss privacy... and my own personal space, with room for my own things. Always feels as though part of my life is dangling somewhere, put on hold... and a certain amount of anxiety comes along with that. Just putting one foot in front of the other, waiting till the next day... and the next, the next, and the next.

I believe I am still hanging onto something that I should let go. The energy does me no good... in fact, the energy often makes me bristle, often.

I spent time combing my granddaughters' hair, the other day, and putting it up in ponytails. I enjoyed that time.

My ex sent me an email. Totally unexpected. Said he found an old email and thought he would write. Gave me a yucky feeling,as the breakup with him had been totally freeing, never having mourned it or wanting to ever be in contact again. I didn't ignore, however, was polite but did not speak about my personal life... other than to share that my dad passed away, as he revealed that both of his parents had passed away. And he shared that two of his children were going to be visiting with him this summer, from Hawaii, that I had met before. I shared nothing else, other than to say that I would be retiring in two years had I not given up my career to travel overseas (with him). He replied that he was sorry for that, and perhaps we had both made some bad decisions. Indeed. I hope he doesn't write again.