This is just a picture of my jewelry box, it means nothing here, but I was drawn to it.
I hate to be crude... but I guess I just am... (the title of this posting)...
Someone is trying to discredit me... and they tell me not to take it personally? I always take it personally, when someone misrepresents who I am, for their advantage... and at my expense.
The joyful feeling is gone from my workplace... I am believe I am biting the dust, there...
All the details are long and drawn out... and if I were to get going, there, you really wouldn't want to hear it... it's a buncha mess... and all I'm trying to do is survive...
I have sought counseling, because I don't believe I am strong enough to take on one more bit of stress in my life... I've reached the end of that trail. Too much confusion, too many tears... and what's it all about, anyway?
Does anybody know how to perform and aura cleansing? I think I need one!
9 comments:
My friend,
I'm sorry to hear that things have gotten to this stage...
It sounds like you need to get away from this toxic environment... Is such a break possible at this stage?
You are like this beautiful jewellery box... Precious, unique, infinitely beautiful..
Keep your energy aligned with that which you are for...
The universe will handle the details,
Holding you in the light,
M
"It sounds like you need to get away from this toxic environment"
You said a mouthful... it is toxic, in so many places in my life, and I'm not sure who to trust anymore, it's all become so confusing... I thought perhaps counseling could help me figure it out.
"Keep your energy aligned with that which you are for"
I needed to here that, above... and let the Universe handle it all, too... and thank you for seeing something in me...
Love to you, precious friend...
Unfortunately, I think I understand all too well what you are feeling and going through.... I would like to say I have an answer, but, if I don't even have one for myself I probably don't for you either. Sorry.
These kinds of circumstances in my life, so far, have usually been about the need to move on in my life. Sometimes the pool I'm in get's stagnant. And though it feels safe to stay, I know it's killing me slowly... Eating me up from the inside.
Sometimes the best thing that can happen to you is to simply get your ass kicked right out of the pool. Hurts initially, but can be a blessing in the long run....
I think us spirit pursuing folk often have a hard time "materializing" in this world... At least that has been my experience. But, as frustrating as that is, I also experience a sense of not being alone in it all.
Somehow, I just keep hopping from stone to stone... Those stones just keep appearing under my feet.
I feel, sometimes, like a butterfly flying across the middle of the vast ocean. It seems overwhelming. I get tired of all the wing flapping. Then, just when I think I'm finally going to hit the water and be done for..., a stone appears beneath my feet. I land. Everything's okay. No drowning. I can rest a while.
I have come to think it's God.
I don't know what the purpose is, but I definitely sense there is one.
Some days (some years, actually) remind me of that scene from "Castaway", where Tom Hanks' character, "Chuck" says...
..."And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?"
I don't know you and you don't know me, but since you've shared your story and your struggles, you're in my prayers anyway. That much I can do.
BTW - you don't have to post this if you prefer. This is just a me to you.
Blessings.
Bill
Bill, you didn't have to post all that, but you did. Thank you for that, it was so very real of you to do so... and their are tears in my eyes. The way you describe your experience is very real, as well... at this point, it feels as though I am falling... and there is nothing to catch me... but, as you always say, something always appears at the last moment. I have come to think of that something as God, as well... and then it seems to become like a lesson in faith.
I understand what you say about people who pursue spirit not being able to materialize. But, the fact is, I guess I just have to "keep breathing"... and, I have been here before. I'm tired, just tired, is all... Ever since I left my job in 1999 to follow my ex husband overseas, my life has been topsy-turvy, and I wanna scream, "Enough, already!!!" And I was laid off in 2007 and that took nearly all the breath out of me, because it was a whole new ball game out there, finding a job, from when I first began my working years... and I found that not only had the world changed, the way one seeks employment had changed... and I had aged. I felt no different, inside, but apparently the youngsters had stepped in and stole the show. You don't just walk into a place and say, "I'd like to fill out an application," and get hired on the spot. No one even sees your face or talks to you... but they sure see your birthday.
Bill, I just don't understand the way this world works. I try to be honest, people don't really like or appreciate honesty... a lot of people operate out of deviousness, and knocking one's legs out from under them. I don't get that, I never have. Why life has to be a game of the winner is the last man standing, I will never know. I told someone that it seems I just can't play this game called life... because in order to win I have to be just as devious as the rest. If God is out there, supplying the stones... or the net to catch me... it doesn't make sense that I should be so continually tested... if I am living my life in a spirit-like awareness, then why am I not rewarded for my good effort? Suffering sucks!
I realize, that by all spiritual teachings, that I must be bringing on this suffering myself... it would seem that the only thing I might do differently is become totally withdrawn from people, not revealing myself or trusting. It feels as if there is a black cloud following me around. I know there are others who live spirit conscious lives, who get along just fine... so, it makes me feel that there is something dark about me.
Time to move on sounds right. I actually felt this about 3 weeks ago. It was an intuitive thought, when an old employee of my work place left her job and wanted to come back to work at my work place. Management wasn't too keen on anything beyond maybe, occasionally she could be used. My mind was thinking, "hmmm... she's coming back in, I'm going back out"... and I had no reason to think that... but, why do processes have to be so painful... why not just a simple easy in, easy out... and this idea of never knowing where I am going... that is painful, too. After all, I am supposed to be about guiding my own ship, now. And I sooooo hate for my character to be assaulted.
Thanks for dropping by, Bill... I'm sorry that you have had difficulties, at times... but I really appreciate your sharing the feelings, here... sometimes when we are suspended in the dark, it is helpful to hear another voice across the void, soothing the soul, guiding one on. Again, many thanks.
Someone is trying to discredit you ..? ..usually means someone is envious of you ..at work it means someone feels threatened by you ..to me it means they recognize the talent in you.
since you turned off your feed ..I've stopped receiving updates.
I'll have to swing by here more often on my own
Hello Lee... oops, I must've done that when I was trying to stop my stuff from going to that page I told you about... I will respond more later...
Thinking of you...
Sending love,
M
Thank you, Maithri. I also went to that site for Father Peter.
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