Here Today... and Gone Tomorrow... So You'd Better Get It While You Can, Love

This is what he looked like, 15 years before I ever knew him. This is the first glimpse of his physical being, that I was able to enjoy. And I'd known him, loved him, for nearly a year and a half, before I even saw this much. I was not disappointed. He was in his prime, here... working as an engineer for Lockheed Missiles and Space, in Silicone Valley...


...and he didn't even have a degree :-) He brought forth experience from the Navy. Lay-offs came, he got the boot. Should not have, because he was filling an engineers position. He was their Golden Boy, making miracles happen, with no explaination for why, other than, "Why not?" It's the way he lived his life.

It took two years to complete the fight for his rights, and he eventually won... but, by then, he had relocated to the opposite end of the country, and had found out way too late. I don't think he ever recovered from that blow. Once holding a position like that, your resume' is looking pretty slick... and it was quite hard fitting him into any mold. Or job, really. He was just one of those. Under educated, over experienced. Can do the job, but where's the degree? Can certainly do the job, but will he hang around if we hire him? *Sigh* Of course, I'm biased, but he was a genius, to me.

He was happily raising three little children back then, a daughter and two sons. He loved them so, though his death has now altered their lives, forever... before they had the chance to know his truth. I tried to tell them. To share of his heart. There is a vast gulf between us, and I can't swim the tides. Anger and confusion sit on the other side, and making me into some unknown thing. We all miss him. I know I do. And how could they not. Sometimes life's lessons are extremely hard. I can't imagine what it's like on their side.
















This is how I like to remember him. He was free. He was happy, and doing what he loved most, which was making music. He was my "guitar man", if you're old enough to remember the song. He'd been with me about a month, at most, here. Out in the country, one-mile deep into the woods. We actually lived in a little town called Windsor... a manifestation of whatever it was that my eyes would gaze upon, way back then, when majic was alive... then, it had been a very lovely Woods of Windsor can of lavender scented dust, with matching soap. Don't believe in majic? I've lived it. It is alive. And that was just one of many, many majical things that manifested before my eyes. Did I mention, he was also my "majic man"???

Nothing surrounded us, there, but trees... tall slender pine trees that swayed gently in the wind, forever singing their melodious song. We had beautiful springs, momentous winters... for two seasons. And then he was gone. He has now been gone from me, longer than he was with me. He has now been gone from me, nearly longer than I had even known him, when he died. And yet, it was unlike anything I had ever known, his time in my life. And I miss being known, in the way that he knew me. He knew my core. The core that remains unblemished, no matter what life deals out. Oh, how I loved him, then! I love him still. I'm open for love, though, because life, without it, is quite lonely, when one has so much inside and with a need to share.

I love looking around the room, in this pic. There are the expensive and luxuriant candles, that he brought from California, for our house-warming, and the special candle holders that we picked out, to place them upon our very special spiritual altar. I like seeing where we lived, and remembering. I like the feel of our hopes and dreams, before they became forever crushed. I adore seeing that smile on his face, before he turned to dust.

I recently discovered this song, and fell madly in love with it! When he was alive, people used to make comments to me, regarding my nature, while I had been in his presence, like, "You really look happy, I've never seen you look happier!" ... or, "You are just glowing!" ... it was what his Love did to me... what it did for me. I did deny my love for him, in the beginning... I just wanted to enjoy the feel of it, and how he made my heart sing, rather than get all caught up in the webs and tangles that injured hearts can sometimes weave...

So, here's to you, Babe!


LIKE THE SUN

by RyanDan (look them up, they are amazing!... and I promise you, you will play this song more than once!)

I tried to hide from you
but I failed
I tried to lie to you
but .. how I failed
and even in my darkest time
you gave me light
I never knew this kinda love could feel so right
when I’m in your arms
I find myself, believin'
we could be anywhere
so I can keep on dreaming

Whenever your close to me, you’re like the sun
you feel like the sun
and everyday you're telling me
I am the one
I am the one who makes you shine

And I know
wherever you want me to, I’ll go
and even when your not with me
I feel you there
I only have to look and see
and I’ll know where
when I’m holding you
the world can stop it’s turning
you’re always gonna pull me through
and I won’t be returning

Whenever your close to me, you're like the sun
you feel like the sun
and everyday you’re telling me
I am the one
I am the one who makes you shine

You’re like the sun
You keep me warm
You’re telling me

When I’m in your arms
we can be anywhere (2x)

Whenever your close to me, you`re like the sun
you feel like the sun
and everyday you’re telling me
I am the one
I am the one who makes you shine

Whenever your close to me, you`re like the sun
you feel like the sun
and everyday you’re telling me
I am the one
I am the one who makes you shine

You're like the sun
You're like the sun