A long time ago, I wrote about the images that we see in our head, when things feel warm and fuzzy for us. The sun and yellow butterflies were a couple of the things that come to my mind, for myself.
I was looking in the mirror, this morning, getting ready to leave the house for the day, when I realized that I had lost an important part of myself. Something that sometimes seemed elusive, but was always waiting, behind the lines, just waiting for me to turn around and acknowledge it. Only, when I turn around, I can't see it anymore.
It's something about security... and grounded-ness. For perhaps the first time in my life, a certain confidence has left me... that something that is always there, no matter what I run into, in my life.
I began to look within to try and find when it left... what I could base this feeling on. Was it when Tim died? Was it when my father passed? Do I just now wake up and realize it's gone... or was it never really there?
Is it related to not being true to myself?
My entire life seems false, somehow... nothing real.
I mentioned, before, that I have an appointment for counseling. I still do. Takes so long to get there, it's not until the middle of the month. This maze has become more complicated than even I can figure out...
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